By Zarmminaa Rehman
So, you’ve just broken up with the one you had pictured spending countless Christmases with, walking around in your jammies together for years to come. Or maybe your most recent holiday fling ended with a classic “it wasn’t you, it was me” moment.
If you’re looking for a way to get back on the market, online dating might be right for you. The online dating world is full of fun and excitement. That is, until everything you post online has to simultaneously explain everything about you, leave some sort of mystery, be straightforward, not seem too desperate—but still be bold.
Writing your dating profile bio often feels akin to writing a cover letter but to all your ideal local singles. The writing rules of the best essays and speeches still seem to apply for a dating profile—there’s a reason a good hook is encouraged in everything from a cover letter to a news article.
In a digital age, it seems inevitable that many people will be tasked with crafting a dating profile at some point in their lives. So here are some tips to help you begin your very own journey.
Pictures, angles and lighting
Before someone even gets the chance to read your meticulously curated bio that required several hours of planning, your pictures are front and centre—a potential match’s first impression of you, if you will.
It can be stressful to post the photo or the perfect set of captivating pics, but in truth, it may be more worthwhile to post the pictures that show your best sense of self—up front and unashamed. This doesn’t mean you have to bear the nitty-gritty of your life and show yourself in a vulnerable state—say, tear-ridden selfies—but rather, have a select group of pictures that make you feel content. Pictures you hope would be the first step to a genuine spark between you and whoever is on the opposite side of the screen.
It is also important to note that people may not take your photos at face value or be outright skeptical if they appear heavily edited or curated to absolute perfection. It may be best if you save the photo dump for your Instagram and use a few pictures that show a little bit about yourself—large fish, marathon medals and all. With a wide array, try selfies, candids or portraits, but maybe stay away from a large group or couples photos—these might not send the intended message.
Be sure to use photos with good lighting—the fewer shadows the better—and avoid posting ones that need to be heavily cropped to maintain the integrity of the picture quality. It may be tempting to use an ID photo but conveying a smile is definitely better than the partner of your dreams being greeted by a deadpan expression when they open the app.
Cute, flirty or everything in between
Bios can really make or break whether someone wants to pursue anyone further. A bio that’s too long may feel like you’re reading an essay, whereas one that’s too short leaves far too much guesswork.
There is no ideal template but here are a few words of wisdom to keep in spirit. To start, a hook will always work—there needs to be something that captivates a potential suitor to continue reading. If you’re fretting about the length, a sweet spot for a bio could be one or two paragraphs that describe you well enough but still leave an opening to that first direct message (DM) or even the first date. Be sure to utilize those app prompts, it’s a great opener into someone’s DMs.
All in all, remember that, whether your bio is cute, flirty, sarcastic, self-deprecating, song lyrics or a philosophical, thought-provoking question—you probably won’t catch all of the fish in the sea but hopefully you’ll reel in the ones that can match your freak.
Age is just a number
You may want to look younger and hide any potential indicators of aging, but growing older in itself is a privilege so please do not lie about your age, it’s both deceptive and suspicious to lie to others about your age.
Yes, society has an obsession with looking younger and shaming people for showing signs of aging—usually women—but that does not mean it’s correct. The age on your bio is a mere trait that identifies you. Whilst it may be important as an indicator of where you might be in life, it is simply there in the same way as your name—a part of you.
The age of your partner doesn’t matter as long as everything revealed is legal, factual and consensual–and the ideal partners for you won’t fixate on your age either. Just say your real age and save yourself the awkward moment later when someone unmatches you for lying.
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It may seem like there are a lot of rules and a delicate balance to making the perfect dating profile but in all honesty, the purpose of this guide is not to yuck anyone’s yum.
Intention and expectations matter just as much as how well your profile works. You shouldn’t have to feel hopeless about finding the one, but you also don’t have to treat your dating profile as a one-and-done deal for your love life.
Just as any online bio can be switched and changed at a whim, your dating profile is flexible. You have the option to change and erase whatever you feel doesn’t match you and that could very well be the entire app itself—there’s no shame in that.
Dating with so many options is scary but hopefully with a few tips under your belt, this will make it feel a bit more digestible to download—or redownload—a dating app and start swiping.
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