By Dylan Marks
Disclaimer: Similar to my Tinder match’s profile, this story is completely fake. Please don’t take anything mentioned below as actual advice, unless you really want to—maybe it’s good advice.
Breaking up is hard to do but choosing the right place to do it can make all the difference. Whether you’re looking for a dramatic exit or just a place to avoid your mutual friends, The Eyeopener has you covered with the best places to break up with your significant other (s/o) on campus!
Pitman Quad
If you have a love for the dramatic, this is likely the spot for you. Everyone knows Pitman Quad is the place to be if you have a dog. So why not take your s/o and walk ‘em like a dog all the way down to the end of your relationship? Everyone watching from the windows while trying to scroll on TikTok in peace can gaze upon you as you break it off with your honey boo bear on the dog-shit covered grass.
Eric Palin Hall
If you’re in a relationship that you desperately need to get out of, why not take your s/o to Eric Palin Hall? Not only does nobody know where Eric Palin Hall actually is, nobody fucking cares! After you break up with them, they’ll have no idea where they are and, in turn, no idea how to come find you after you leave them there sobbing like a newborn calf.
Victoria Street Timmy’s
At any given time of day or night on Victoria Street, there’s likely some sort of shenanigans and foolish business being conducted by people lurking in the looming hallowed darkness. If you bring your nighttime dry hump pal here and hit them with the sad news that “it’s not you, it’s me,” nobody will care for whatever commotion you both ensue because there’s probably three or four early-morning commuters fighting in the Tim Hortons line.
On top of the large rock by Lake Devo
Your s/o may think your relationship is rock solid, so you could bring them to an actual rock to break it to them that it really isn’t. You might be stoned if you think this idea isn’t completely rock and roll. So while your s/o learns why they shouldn’t have taken you for granite, aim to speak your true feelings and leave no stone unturned. You may feel as though you have hit rock bottom but at the end of the day, there’s nothing to quarry about.
An SLC elevator
If you break up here, things might escalate quickly…
Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) President and Vice-Chancellor, Mohamed Lachemi’s office
President Mohamed Lachemi clearly cares for the student body, so he’d be totally chill if you break up with your s/o in his office. If you are looking for the perfect place to end it all, “it” being your relationship, try this spot out and see how it goes. While the two of you try to work out your problems, good ol’ Lachemi is there to help! Don’t be shy with him, ask for advice on how to better yourself. He’s the president of a university, of course he’d understand what students are going through!
Feel free to use these recommended places for any of your breakup endeavours. If these places don’t seem like the right fit for you to break up with your s/o, just shoot them a text instead.
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