By Sophia Shahani Durán
Elora Kalk, a second-year performance dance student at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), used to be against dating apps, thinking they were useless and would lead people to feel worse about themselves. However, feeling as if she was missing out on a modern phenomenon, “I downloaded it and I was still pretty hesitant at first. But after a while I thought, ‘You know what? It’s kind of fun,’” she recalled. But that excitement didn’t last. “Nothing really felt real,” she remembered. “You might have talked to someone for a day or two, and then you kind of fizzle out and it never really goes anywhere.”
Kalk’s experience is common among today’s young adults. In a world where thousands of people swipe right every day, dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge have become go-to platforms for meeting a potential partner. With endless options available, it seems there should be a stronger connection than ever. But paradoxically, many users—especially young adults—find themselves feeling more lonely than before.
It’s so easy for someone to just block you and cut you off…that definitely makes you feel lonely
Despite the convenience these apps may offer, many users are more disconnected than ever, according to Jonathan Haidt, a professor at New York University and psychologist. What starts as an easy way to connect with one another can quickly turn into a superficial game of validation and ego boosting—leaving many craving for a genuine connection. As university students navigate the modern dating scene, some have discovered that while these apps promise endless opportunities, an abundance of matches can quickly become overwhelming. Instead of focusing on quality connections, many users find themselves lost in a sea of options, constantly swiping without taking the time to have a meaningful engagement.
Sarah Knudson, a sociology professor at the University of Saskatchewan noted that this paradox of choice in online dating often leads to feelings of frustration and disinterest in the apps. “People keep swiping and sitting with the options,” she explained. This prevents them from focusing on a few individuals who might genuinely want to engage in a real conversation.
I feel like it’s when you overeat food or you’re overconsuming media…it kind of just makes you feel sick a little bit
Ryan Sykes, a first-year professional music student at TMU, described the unpleasant feeling of matching with someone, only for the conversation to abruptly end—often without an explanation. “It’s so easy for someone to just block you and cut you off…that definitely makes you feel lonely,” he admitted. For many, including Sykes, the lack of closure from these sudden endings leaves them questioning their self-worth, deepening their feelings of loneliness.
The constant cycle of swiping and matching also brings with it a significant emotional toll. Toronto-based dating expert Shannon Tebb refers to this as “online dating burnout”—the emotional exhaustion users can experience from endless interactions that never turn into real connections.
Tebb explained that even though you’re connecting through technology, there’s still a lingering emptiness. “There’s a lot of rejection and ghosting happening. Even if you match with someone and you start messaging them, you may say something that turns them off, and all of a sudden they’re gone.”
Christina Kennedy, a first-year RTA media production student at TMU, shares a similar experience with dating apps. “I feel like it’s when you overeat food or you’re overconsuming media…it kind of just makes you feel sick a little bit.” she reflected. “It’s like, ‘Where’s the genuine connection?’”
Kennedy’s concern highlights a common challenge that many dating app users face—the shift from seeking meaningful connections to simply pursuing an ego boost. In the process, the pursuit of validation may overtake the goal of building a genuine relationship. “It’s more than just a quick match,” she explained. “You have to build a connection, and that takes time and effort. That’s what a lot of people are missing these days.”
It’s like, ‘Where’s the genuine connection?’
A painful aspect many users face today is “ghosting,” a social phenomenon where conversations suddenly come to a halt, frequently leaving individuals without any closure or explanation.
According to certified post-betrayal transformation coach Gretta Perlmutter, this cycle can become emotionally exhausting and create a loop of rejection and self-esteem issues, especially when users pour time and energy into these connections that end up not being reciprocated.
Kalk invites users to ask themselves an important question. “Why am I on the dating app? Am I really looking for something or am I just feeling the need for attention?”
Dating apps promise endless possibilities, yet in reality, they may be contributing to a growing sense of disconnection.
While thousands of people swipe right every day, these platforms have transformed how we approach relationships. In an era where ghosting and hookup culture have become more common, having endless options can make forming a true bond more challenging. With so many choices at our fingertips, it’s easy to forget that meaningful connections aren’t as simple as they appear.
Leave a Reply